Previously, on 'The Internet' #5

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.
"DO NOT ASK ME TO WORK FOR NO MONEY DO NOT ASK ME TO WORK FOR NO MONEY. The answer will probably be no and then “fuck you. Why don’t you value my labour?”. I am a freelancer FFS. And yes, how nice that a Member of Parliament, lobbyist or full-time employed eminent charity worker agreed to your terms of NO MONEY. Of course they did. It is a job they are PAID TO DO. I AM A FREELANCER. IF I DO NOT WORK FOR A DAY I DO NOT GET PAID FOR A DAY. MY INDUSTRY IS IN CRISIS FOR THE SAKE OF FUCK. PAY ME OR FUCK OFF."
  • The teacher every child deserves. This is is just brilliant. Maths the Bey way.
  • Female friendship groups have been a good topic this week and it also coincided with my Wimmins day out, so fate. First there was this piece about a super secret sorority sisterhood Facebook group. My first thought was that I'm lucky enough to be part of a much smaller yet very similar version of this so it makes total sense to me. And even though the title of this is a little misleading - Why I Sext My Best Friends,  I really like this. I like the idea of throwing down a selfie and not being all 'sorry about my face/no make up/flab rolls lol' and being met with nothing but praising hands emoji. Because that's what my WIMMIN do best - love and cheerleading and awesome emoji use. Hands up who wants in on the titpics?
  • I'm heavily in to black tights. Here they are ranked for us UK gals.
  • The soul crushing reality of the stay at home Dad. Guys, I struggled with this. Isn't this just the reality of, oh I don't know SO MANY WOMEN? But I guess coming from a man, it's different? Feel free to tell me if I'm being harsh here.
  • Despite one of my besties insisting that emojis are over (LALALALACATEICANTHEARYOU) I continue to use and read and advocate for them. (Omg guys, can we take a moment to imagine emoji advocate as a JOB?) This on Emoji feminism makes the case for how much further they have to evolve - we need representation! I'm also very much here for this Georgia O'Keefe emoji.

"You will never hear more complaints than from people who live in creative fields. They are the most whingy, bitchy children that you’re ever going to meet. And the sense of entitlement and anguish that comes out of those people’s mouths makes me insane. You get to try to spend your life engaging with the absolute highest use of the human mind, and all you want to do is bitch about it? Shut up! No one made you do this. To act as though you’re burdened by your gifts, and burdened by your talent and exhausted by your creative endeavors, as though you were committed to it by an evil dictator rather than having chosen it with your free will is also ridiculous. And finally, and worst of all, you’re scaring inspiration away. Inspiration, like all of us, wants to be loved and appreciated, and if it hears you talking about how much it’s ruining your life, it will take its business elsewhere. So whenever I hear creative people complaining about how it’s a battlefield, and how they’re bleeding over their work, and how awful it is, I always want to whisper to inspiration and be like, “Hey, if you’re sick of her, just come over to me.'
  • The Last Lifestyle Magazine - How Kinfolk created the dominant aesthetic of the decade with perfect lattes and avocado toast. The #kinfolk tag is used on average, once a minute on Instagram. That kind of blows my mind. Reading this I was kind of bored and glazed over, with moments of my ears pricking up. So sort of how I feel about the Kindolk aesthetic. 
  • And now for something completely different. Alice Isn't Dead is a new podcast I listened to, alone, in bed, in the dark. Which, whilst it made it infinitely more scary, it definitely worked to set the mood. This fictional story is narrated by a woman driving a truck across America. (I liked her voice a lot). The first episode revolves around a diner encounter which, to be frank, is shitting scary. And yet I was gripped. She's relating the story to Alice, via a Wallis talkie which frequently cuts out and picks up in a different place. Really good listening to something so out of my wheelhouse. 
  • I want one of these hair post its, and am mesmerised by these face brushes.
  • Meanwhile, offline - the 6 year old and I watched this video of Caitlin Moran this week, which lead to an interesting discussion about chores at home. After talking about IWD he first asked, "is there a day for boys?", which, *gritted teeth emoji" but then he said "Mummy, I think the world is fairer for boys than girls" which made my feminist heart swell to 3 times the size. I may have bought this pink silky bomber jacket which is being modelled by a 6 year old. I made these meringues, adding 65g of melted chocolate and then melted more on top which is highly advisable. To serve, whip 2tbs of Nutella into 150ml double cream. So, so good. I went to London and ate some delicious wet brisket with awesome wimmim, and drank an amazing Asian daiquiri. I'm going to confess to mine and my husband's tiiiiiiny Bachelor addiction here, and we watched the final whilst shouting hysterically - only slightly more than at every other episode.


  1. I kind of love the idea of you and your husband watching The Bachelor and shouting.

    1. I had a great Bachelor conversation with your daughter when we met! X

  2. This is some GOOD internetting Laura *praising hands emoji*. In homage to your post I will leave my comment as a series of bullet points;

    * TV HAIR! It's a thing! I didn't know it was a thing but it's now so obviously a thing. I admit to coveting TV hair (everyone Connie Britton plays in particular) but now that that article told me it looks silly in real life the yearning has eased a bit.

    * copies and pastes that 'about' page *

    * The thing about the internet sorority was brilliant and made me totes <3 for our wummin. And a little desperate to be in on Our Wimmin x 200.

    * The Sexting your friends thing was also just a beautifully written piece. Stupid fucking title though, I hate editors. You can be sure as shit that she did not choose that title.

    *Also, the stay at home dad thing * eye roll emoji*. It was such a beautiful piece of writing on parenting as any gender, why it couldn't just be titled 'the mind numbing hell of full-time child rearing' is infuriating. I would bet good money that he didn't submit it under that title but that the editor knew it would get more clicks as a 'stay at home dad' piece.

    * Lolz and handclaps at Elizabeth Gilbert's advice, I'ma gonna print it out and paste it above my desk for when I get all whiny about writing.

    * Finally, I thought you were being sarcastic about the ridiculous youth of website models then I clicked through and your jacket is ACTUALLY MODELLED BY A SIX YEAR OLD. It made me laugh so hard. Thank you

    1. I LOVE THIS. And now you've said it, it's so true about that Dad article - it should be gender neutral! Because obviously parts really resonated with me but I was so fucked off by the emphasis. Like, it's more interesting/important whatever coming form a man. I mean, I may just have issues.

      My jacket is actually made FOR CHILDREN. I mean.... lolzcry? Is that a thing? It's totally a thing now.

    2. I'm so intrigued by this. I bought a zara kids dress in their biggest size a couple of years ago and I couldn't get it over my tits. I never tried again. I am tempted to try their shoes though, surely my size 6 feet can't be that different from a 14 year old's size 6 feet?