This is not how I woke up, but it's how I look now {on beauty part 2}

Following on from my little chat about all things beauty, I thought I'd go totally teen mag and share my favourite beauty things with you. Just pretend I'm famous, or a blogger with followers or something *sunglasses emoji*

These are items I have repeat purchased, more than once. Which means I love them. And FYI, I have mostly ok, dehydrated skin which suffers redness and can be on the sensitive side.

Skincare

Clarins Pure Melt Cleansing Gel
This is my absolute favourite, desert island item. There is something about the scent and the texture which is just pure comforting magic to me. Its a gel which when massaged in turns to an oil and then when mixed with water turns into a kind of milk. See? Magic! I always use a flannel but you could wash this off if you're that way inclined.

Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish
I have my Mum to thanks for this. My Mum, who it should be stated never really cleanses and will only use a very cheap unctuously plastic smelling moisturizer. But she detected mine and my sisters love for this stuff early and thanks to a relatively short-lived QVC habit, she found this. It's been a staple ever since, particularly good for winter as it's rich and creamy. A really lovely floral scent too, made to be flanneled off. (Side note: I also love the brightening mask for a really nice pick me up)

The Body Shop Chamomile cleansing balm

Apparently I have a thing about cleansers, huh? This one is gorgeous. A balm that dissolves into a lovely oil as you rub it in with a faint chamomile smell, made to be flanneled off. Not ridiculously expensive either so bonus.

Clarins Blue Orchid Face Treatment Oil

I love this stuff so much. I actually don't have any at the moment after running out so writing about it is making me inwardly weep for a bottle. It smells like the best massage you've ever had and putting this on before bed is pure luxury. They make 3 different oils for different skins fyi.

Honourable mentions: REN Anti Redness serum, Kiehls Midnight Recovery Concentrate, Garnier Moisture Nourish

Bodycare

L'occitaine Almond Shower Oil

My very favourite shower product. My husband bought this for me as a surprise 'first pregnancy' treat and it's one the best gifts he's ever given me. (second was a box of cheese). I love oils for everywhere and this is nourishing and nutty and deeply comforting. There's a theme here, isn't there?

Korres Japanese Rose Showergel

Like washing is deeply scented rose petals. Not flowery as such, but more noir. If that makes sense.

Lush It's Raining Men

I know some people hate Lush. I am not one of them. But even if you are, give this a shot! It's unisex and not as sweet as you would imagine a honey scented wash to be. Plus if you wash your kids in this then for a full 10 minutes after when they are still clean you can pretend they are cherubs.

Elemis Skin Nourishing Milk Bath

This is a proper 'only with disposable income' buy - it's £42 ffs! And the reality is that I haven't had a bottle since my Mum worked in a spa and got a huge discount. But I still think of it so I'm adding it. Plus, you might be loaded. In it's favour is size, it's a massive bottle and you actually only need a capful, a direction I never usually regard by in this case it's true. It's one of the most beutifully scented products I've ever used. It's deeply nourishing for those with anything like dry skin. Wonderful on Excema. Here a total life hack for you though - Mandara Spa is a brand of products made by it's parent company, Elemis. They make an extremely similar product called Honeymilk Dream Softening Bath Milk for less than 1/4 of the price which is what I use as a substitute. So, yeah. Get that?

Honourable mentions: Tisserand Luxury Bath Soak, Radox Muscle Soak Therapy Salts

Make-up

Rimmel Match Perfection Illuminating Concealer

My sister introduced me to this. Such a good everyday concealer - not too heavy, you can wear it under the eyes and on spots, it's easy to use and comes with a built in brush applicator. Winning. 

Yves Saint Laurent Le Teint Touche Éclat Foundation

My holy grail foundation. Medium coverage, very light scent that isn't too noticeable, and doesn't settle in the cracks. You but better.

Topshop Cream Blush in Pulse

I love cream blusher. It's probably my one must have item, along with mascara and a lip balm. So, top 3 then. Topshop cream blushers are brilliant in formulation, good colours and cute packaging. I've mentioned Pulse here because for me it's the best thing at making me look alive and glowy without any glittery-ness or sparkle. It's actually quite lacking in colour, you just need to trust me. I also have Neon Rose which is awesome. Now Topshop seem to have NO CREAM BLUSHERS online *screaming emoji*  and it's agggges since I set foot in a real life Topshop but I'm urging you to go forth and find one. I've also heard brilliant things about the Everything Sticks, so you could always try that instead and let me know.

NARS Laguna and Bourjois Bronzing Powder Medium 51

Very similar, although obviously Nars in more spendy. Not glittery or orange in any way. They give a sunkissed or 'not dead yet' look, depending on the day.

Mac eyeliner in Teddy

Just the most flattering bronzed/brown eye kohl ever. Sexy but not in your face.

Mac Strobe Cream

I haven't had this for a while and writing this list made me remember how much I love and miss it. Another 'look alive' product to wear alone of mix with foundation. Again, comforting and looking alive products seem to be my favourites.

Honourable mentions: Urban Decay Naked Palatte, Benefit They're Real, Bobbi Brown metallic eyeshadow in oyster grey, Nars  Radiant Creamy Concealer

Share your favourite beauty stuff in the comments please, particularly good moisturizers. I'm a junkie who needs her fix!

This is not how I woke up, but it's how I look now {on beauty, part 1}

true story, make-up pouch

At around the age of 12,  I became obsessed with teen magazines. Bliss and Sugar were my life. Boys! Fashion! Periods! Boobs! Beauty! It was the latter that I was really interested in. Boy obsession would come soon enough, and fashion was fine, I suppose. Boobs never really bothered me and periods were just a thing that sucked about being a girl. But Beauty? Beauty was where it was at. I would study the photographs of expertly made up girls and pore over the makeovers and read every recommendation for the products used. Saturdays were spent with friends huddled around the tiny make up displays in the one place that sold make up in our town, Boots. The smell of Rimmel powders and fruity Collection 2000 lipglosses made me giddy. This is probably around the time we would douse ourselves in CK One and feel cool. as. fuck.

My next make up obsessions came when I stumbled upon Kevyn Aucioin's Making Faces book in the library. It became my bible. The beautiful drawings of expertly applied make up were pure Hollywood. This wasn't just chucking on some lip balm or clear brow gel (what? this was the 90's!). This was ART. I loved drawing and painting and filled my sketch books with faces. But now my face became a thing to paint. An ever ready, portable canvas. I wasn't that bothered about wearing make up out of the house that much and my obsession didn't extend to fashion so to look at me you'd probably never know it. It was never something I did for anyone else. As someone who was a bit of a loner, this was what I loved to do. Read and draw and paint my face and liberally apply Sun In bleach spray to my hair.

During this time my Mum worked very long, hard hours as a receptionist in a Spa. For me, this meant that she would sometimes come home with testers of all kinds of potions. I remember the golden yellow boxes and luxurious scents of creams and oils. These high end products were something we had never seen in our house, they were precious gleaming jewels and were to be treated as such. I pored over the tiny leaflets folded in the even tinier boxes and would use small amounts of each product with glee. It wasn't about making myself more beautiful, or even making my skin clearer/better/whatever; it was pure, indulgent experimentation.

At 16 I wrote to Bliss magazine and begged them to let me do work experience. Ok, I probably didn't beg (I hope I didn't beg), but I'm sure I heavily implied that it would CHANGE MY LIFE if they said yes. A few months later I walked through the office doors in central London and could have quite happily have died then and gone to heaven happy. In all honesty it probably did change my life, the experience of it rather than the work itself. All I really remember of said work is tidying fashion wardrobes and asking boys on the street inane questions about what they liked girls to wear whilst I polaroided them. But,  LONDON! LIFE! CAREER WOMEN IN COOL CLOTHES! It was my first taste of freedom and a vision of what my life could look like one day.

Those early seeds of beauty addiction that were sown in my pre-teen years have grown and blossomed during my adult life. Disposable income opened up my world. Now the disposable income is no longer I can look back and think I really should have enjoyed that short lived period more. I moved on from Bliss and read Vogue instead. The Collection 2000 lip balms became an intense collection of Lancome Juicy Tubes. I collected them the way kids collected beanie babies. The tiny testers were replaced with a few high end, full size products of my very own. When I worked in TV I always made a beeline for the make up artists room. Watching and learning and asking questions, loving the camaraderie and chat and life that happened when people were in the make up chair. Now, with an evening alone I will happily spend it watching youtube tutorials or stalking beauty writers on Instagram, or pinning make-up looks. Man does my inner 14 year old self love it.

Now in everyday life I rarely wear make up. I am not one of the glamorous Mums on the school run, most days I feel like a boss if I've only managed to brush my hair. But I love looking at the woman who do are. Women who are affirming who they want to be or how they feel that day with a slick of lipstick and a sweep of eyeshadow. When I do wear make up I don't do it to attract men, I get far more pleasure when wearing make up to see girlfriends; they will actually appreciate my expertly applied (sisters, not twins! same rule for brows!) Adele winged eyeliner. I love starting and finishing the day with a hot cloth cleanse because it is 5 minutes when I can shut the noise of the world out, do something that feels good and pleases no-one else. These rituals are anchoring for me. I heard Sali Hughes say that having children is the biggest identity crisis of your life and holy shit did that resonate with me. These small parts of my former self, former life, have held me in place and provided a link to the woman with the career and ambition whilst now being at home with a baby. They are me. I don't buy the latest skincare to try and erase the life I'm living, which is showing up on my face more everyday. When a (Claudia) Wrinkle(man) appeared under my left eye shortly after my 30th birthday it was a shock, yet I named that deep line and am slowly beginning to get used to her. and her friends.

As a women there is an underlying (read wrong) assumption about you if you like this stuff, and I've definitely felt defensive about it in the past. Assumptions that you are shallow or vain, most likely both. That it is frivolous or vacuous or fake. Yet it goes so much deeper than skin deep. It's creative and fun and I do it for myself. I refuse to feel bad about that. For me, taking this time is my self care. It makes me feel good, I'm valuing myself and my wellbeing, on the inside and out.

(this is part one as I couldn't write about beauty without enabling everyone to buy my favourite stuff - so a favourite prouducts round up in part 2)