Showing posts with label basic needs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label basic needs. Show all posts

Sunday

Fantasies of a sleep deprived Mother





Things I want after being up all night with the baby:

  • S L E E P
  • a very posh hotel room. For one. Go big or go home, right?
  • failing that, any old bed/flat surface with industrial sized duvet
  • ALL THE FOOD
  • no talking. No questions. No requests. 
  • in fact, everyone should forget they know my name
  • an IV of hot, sugar laden tea
  • a nap
  • sunglasses weather
  • all da mini breakz
  • re-runs of shitty tv, like Gossip Girl
  •  sugar based snacks
  • or just, sugar. Sugar me to up the eyeballs.
  • another nap
  • to be invisible at school drop off
  • a sexy dude to play with my hair until I fall asleep. Obviously, no talking. (I'd totally be up for my husband to do this but he gets bored easily so I think he'll be ok with me outsourcing to Oscar Issac?)
  • to spend recklessly online on shit I neither need nor can afford
  • an excellent hiding place. With snacks
  • my kids to play unattended together for at least 2 hours
  • then make their own dinner
  • drugs
  • sleep
  • questionable sartorial choices
  • something deep fried
  • a butler. A maid. The whole below stairs staff of Downton Abbey
  • bedtime
Excellent illustration from The Mint Gardener