Previously, on 'The Internet' #5

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

the excellent Joy does Drake on a Cake

• Some babies are easier than others. This is both comforting and true to my experience. 
• Not gonna lie, sometimes I totally rock 'TV hair' - but woah it's true, when did TV hair become a thing?
• The BEST 'about' page on the Internet. Hands down.

"DO NOT ASK ME TO WORK FOR NO MONEY DO NOT ASK ME TO WORK FOR NO MONEY. The answer will probably be no and then “fuck you. Why don’t you value my labour?”. I am a freelancer FFS. And yes, how nice that a Member of Parliament, lobbyist or full-time employed eminent charity worker agreed to your terms of NO MONEY. Of course they did. It is a job they are PAID TO DO. I AM A FREELANCER. IF I DO NOT WORK FOR A DAY I DO NOT GET PAID FOR A DAY. MY INDUSTRY IS IN CRISIS FOR THE SAKE OF FUCK. PAY ME OR FUCK OFF."

• The teacher every child deserves. This is is just brilliant. Maths the Bey way.
• Female friendship groups have been a good topic this week and it also coincided with my Wimmins day out, so fate. First there was this piece about a super secret sorority sisterhood Facebook group. My first thought was that I'm lucky enough to be part of a much smaller yet very similar version of this so it makes total sense to me. And even though the title of this is a little misleading - Why I Sext My Best Friends,  I really like this. I like the idea of throwing down a selfie and not being all 'sorry about my face/no make up/flab rolls lol' and being met with nothing but praising hands emoji. Because that's what my WIMMIN do best - love and cheerleading and awesome emoji use. Hands up who wants in on the titpics?
• I'm heavily in to black tights. Here they are ranked for us UK gals.
• The soul crushing reality of the stay at home Dad. Guys, I struggled with this. Isn't this just the reality of, oh I don't know SO MANY WOMEN? But I guess coming from a man, it's different? Feel free to tell me if I'm being harsh here.
• Despite one of my besties insisting that emojis are over (LALALALACATEICANTHEARYOU) I continue to use and read and advocate for them. (Omg guys, can we take a moment to imagine emoji advocate as a JOB?) This on Emoji feminism makes the case for how much further they have to evolve - we need representation! I'm also very much here for this Georgia O'Keefe emoji.

• Fuck yeah! In praise of ugly journaling . I definitely have a bit of visually pleasing ocd so this was a good reminder that not everything has to look good. 
• Make a cup of tea and sit down for this one, it's worth it. Up Against the Centerfold: What It Was Like to Report on Feminism for Playboy in 1969. It is fascinating. And will also make it want to throw things, obviously.
• Excellent tips on creativity from Elizabeth Gilbert 

"You will never hear more complaints than from people who live in creative fields. They are the most whingy, bitchy children that you’re ever going to meet. And the sense of entitlement and anguish that comes out of those people’s mouths makes me insane. You get to try to spend your life engaging with the absolute highest use of the human mind, and all you want to do is bitch about it? Shut up! No one made you do this. To act as though you’re burdened by your gifts, and burdened by your talent and exhausted by your creative endeavors, as though you were committed to it by an evil dictator rather than having chosen it with your free will is also ridiculous. And finally, and worst of all, you’re scaring inspiration away. Inspiration, like all of us, wants to be loved and appreciated, and if it hears you talking about how much it’s ruining your life, it will take its business elsewhere. So whenever I hear creative people complaining about how it’s a battlefield, and how they’re bleeding over their work, and how awful it is, I always want to whisper to inspiration and be like, “Hey, if you’re sick of her, just come over to me.'

• The Last Lifestyle Magazine - How Kinfolk created the dominant aesthetic of the decade with perfect lattes and avocado toast. The #kinfolk tag is used on average, once a minute on Instagram. That kind of blows my mind. Reading this I was kind of bored and glazed over, with moments of my ears pricking up. So sort of how I feel about the Kindolk aesthetic. 
• And now for something completely different. Alice Isn't Dead is a new podcast I listened to, alone, in bed, in the dark. Which, whilst it made it infinitely more scary, it definitely worked to set the mood. This fictional story is narrated by a woman driving a truck across America. (I liked her voice a lot). The first episode revolves around a diner encounter which, to be frank, is shitting scary. And yet I was gripped. She's relating the story to Alice, via a Wallis talkie which frequently cuts out and picks up in a different place. Really good listening to something so out of my wheelhouse. 
• I want one of these hair post its, and am mesmerised by these face brushes.
• Meanwhile, offline - the 6 year old and I watched this video of Caitlin Moran this week, which lead to an interesting discussion about chores at home. After talking about IWD he first asked, "is there a day for boys?", which, *gritted teeth emoji" but then he said "Mummy, I think the world is fairer for boys than girls" which made my feminist heart swell to 3 times the size. I may have bought this pink silky bomber jacket which is being modelled by a 6 year old. I made these meringues, adding 65g of melted chocolate and then melted more on top which is highly advisable. To serve, whip 2tbs of Nutella into 150ml double cream. So, so good. I went to London and ate some delicious wet brisket with awesome wimmim, and drank an amazing Asian daiquiri. I'm going to confess to mine and my husband's tiiiiiiny Bachelor addiction here, and we watched the final whilst shouting hysterically - only slightly more than at every other episode.

This is not how I woke up, but it's how I look now {on beauty, part 1}

true story, make-up pouch

At around the age of 12,  I became obsessed with teen magazines. Bliss and Sugar were my life. Boys! Fashion! Periods! Boobs! Beauty! It was the latter that I was really interested in. Boy obsession would come soon enough, and fashion was fine, I suppose. Boobs never really bothered me and periods were just a thing that sucked about being a girl. But Beauty? Beauty was where it was at. I would study the photographs of expertly made up girls and pore over the makeovers and read every recommendation for the products used. Saturdays were spent with friends huddled around the tiny make up displays in the one place that sold make up in our town, Boots. The smell of Rimmel powders and fruity Collection 2000 lipglosses made me giddy. This is probably around the time we would douse ourselves in CK One and feel cool. as. fuck.

My next make up obsessions came when I stumbled upon Kevyn Aucioin's Making Faces book in the library. It became my bible. The beautiful drawings of expertly applied make up were pure Hollywood. This wasn't just chucking on some lip balm or clear brow gel (what? this was the 90's!). This was ART. I loved drawing and painting and filled my sketch books with faces. But now my face became a thing to paint. An ever ready, portable canvas. I wasn't that bothered about wearing make up out of the house that much and my obsession didn't extend to fashion so to look at me you'd probably never know it. It was never something I did for anyone else. As someone who was a bit of a loner, this was what I loved to do. Read and draw and paint my face and liberally apply Sun In bleach spray to my hair.

During this time my Mum worked very long, hard hours as a receptionist in a Spa. For me, this meant that she would sometimes come home with testers of all kinds of potions. I remember the golden yellow boxes and luxurious scents of creams and oils. These high end products were something we had never seen in our house, they were precious gleaming jewels and were to be treated as such. I pored over the tiny leaflets folded in the even tinier boxes and would use small amounts of each product with glee. It wasn't about making myself more beautiful, or even making my skin clearer/better/whatever; it was pure, indulgent experimentation.

At 16 I wrote to Bliss magazine and begged them to let me do work experience. Ok, I probably didn't beg (I hope I didn't beg), but I'm sure I heavily implied that it would CHANGE MY LIFE if they said yes. A few months later I walked through the office doors in central London and could have quite happily have died then and gone to heaven happy. In all honesty it probably did change my life, the experience of it rather than the work itself. All I really remember of said work is tidying fashion wardrobes and asking boys on the street inane questions about what they liked girls to wear whilst I polaroided them. But,  LONDON! LIFE! CAREER WOMEN IN COOL CLOTHES! It was my first taste of freedom and a vision of what my life could look like one day.

Those early seeds of beauty addiction that were sown in my pre-teen years have grown and blossomed during my adult life. Disposable income opened up my world. Now the disposable income is no longer I can look back and think I really should have enjoyed that short lived period more. I moved on from Bliss and read Vogue instead. The Collection 2000 lip balms became an intense collection of Lancome Juicy Tubes. I collected them the way kids collected beanie babies. The tiny testers were replaced with a few high end, full size products of my very own. When I worked in TV I always made a beeline for the make up artists room. Watching and learning and asking questions, loving the camaraderie and chat and life that happened when people were in the make up chair. Now, with an evening alone I will happily spend it watching youtube tutorials or stalking beauty writers on Instagram, or pinning make-up looks. Man does my inner 14 year old self love it.

Now in everyday life I rarely wear make up. I am not one of the glamorous Mums on the school run, most days I feel like a boss if I've only managed to brush my hair. But I love looking at the woman who do are. Women who are affirming who they want to be or how they feel that day with a slick of lipstick and a sweep of eyeshadow. When I do wear make up I don't do it to attract men, I get far more pleasure when wearing make up to see girlfriends; they will actually appreciate my expertly applied (sisters, not twins! same rule for brows!) Adele winged eyeliner. I love starting and finishing the day with a hot cloth cleanse because it is 5 minutes when I can shut the noise of the world out, do something that feels good and pleases no-one else. These rituals are anchoring for me. I heard Sali Hughes say that having children is the biggest identity crisis of your life and holy shit did that resonate with me. These small parts of my former self, former life, have held me in place and provided a link to the woman with the career and ambition whilst now being at home with a baby. They are me. I don't buy the latest skincare to try and erase the life I'm living, which is showing up on my face more everyday. When a (Claudia) Wrinkle(man) appeared under my left eye shortly after my 30th birthday it was a shock, yet I named that deep line and am slowly beginning to get used to her. and her friends.

As a women there is an underlying (read wrong) assumption about you if you like this stuff, and I've definitely felt defensive about it in the past. Assumptions that you are shallow or vain, most likely both. That it is frivolous or vacuous or fake. Yet it goes so much deeper than skin deep. It's creative and fun and I do it for myself. I refuse to feel bad about that. For me, taking this time is my self care. It makes me feel good, I'm valuing myself and my wellbeing, on the inside and out.

(this is part one as I couldn't write about beauty without enabling everyone to buy my favourite stuff - so a favourite prouducts round up in part 2)

Cherry Blossom Season

"In the cherry blossom's shade there's no such thing as a stranger." 

- Kobayashi Issa

Available in The Shop

Our New House*

*Ok, not really. But a girl can dream, right?

The calm! The colour! The light! I need me some of that.

All images - Alexandra Angle Interior Design.