werk werk werk werk werk

Since popping out these babies, work wise, I've tried many different set ups. I worked part-time (out of the home), I didn't work at all, I set up a business and became a self employed WFHM (work from home Mum). Being self employed and working from home and around your kids timetable is a blessing and a curse. Actual work time is sparse when you don't earn enough to pay for childcare, and when you have no childcare you can't work or earn enough. Yay!

Believe it or not this is not a #grumblebrag post (made that up but feel like it's a winner), but a post about how sometimes the work you can manage in those tiny pockets of naps and bedtimes can make you feel like a motherfuckin superhero.

I love my job. I think about it and plan for it and look forward to it the way someone who doesn't get to do it enough should. I worry about it too; about my lack of marketing and clients and generally getting out there. I basically beat myself up about not getting enough done whilst full time parenting, even though, I'm full time parenting so DUH. There is always a little niggling fear that I'm missing my time, my place in the world to do more of what I should be doing. I'm ready for that voice to pack up and do one.

The things is (and as a Brit and a woman saying this doesn't come naturally) I think I'm really good at what I do. I deeply love photographing families. Photographing connections. It brings be peace and joy and satisfaction. I think I'm offering something a little different, something a little special. But selling that? Selling myself is not my strong point. So whilst I know I'll get there, I mean, I have to get there because we need to eat, the journey can feel rough.

...

I've been thinking a little about motivation lately, about comparison and competition and inspiration. Last year I read this piece about those things in relation to women, about how women are not encouraged to be competitive with one another and what bullshit that is.

'Why shouldn’t women be competitive? If you had told me that some magazine was eliminating the Best Dressed ranking or the Most Beautiful top 100 list, I could get with that rationale. Because encouraging competition over clothes and/or physical appearance can be problematic. But the power list is supposed to be based on achievement and accomplishment. And why shouldn’t women compete with their heads, compete by achievement and accomplishment? In taking away this list, does it mean that women aren’t capable of being competitive when the competition is about THE WORK?!? That women can’t handle the pressure AT WORK?'

I loved it at the time and was reminded of it yesterday with this follow up. I have a friend who is sooooo good at the business hustle. Extremely good at what she does. She works hard and imaginatively and it is so inspiring to me. I love when we get to talk business and geek out, and it made me realise how I need more of that. More conversation and support and motivation from women who are out there hustling. Because it's quite honestly magic to watch.

....

The last few weeks have been good work wise. Great even. I've found the two magic ingredients for a little work hustle - time and inspiration. Those two occurrences, simultaneously, are rare. Sometimes you need to write down and own the shit you have managed to do, so here is mine;

• I updated my website with images that I really love, regardless of what I think others might like
• I wrote about family photography and why I want to do it a little differently
• I shared some tips for taking your own photographs at home
• I started a google adwords campaign
• I'm actually updating my facebook business page
• hashtagging the shit out of instagram (which lead to my first insta-booking!)

There are always other things I need to do. A list that is added to with not much crossed off. I need to learn about SEO. I need to market myself. I need to get better at pushing through that uncomfortable-ness and sell myself. I'll get there.

In the meantime, the above is a pretty good start.

(and now for some random photos of my kids I took using tinfoil around the lens. obvi.)

July.

July started with the chance to shoot a beautiful wedding, the middle had a fabulous day trip to the beach with my Mama, husband and son. Sachin finished school, we bbq'd with friends. The backdrop to it all was sunshine, warmth and a garden

blooming with life.

Recipe: Lightly Spiced Cucumber, Peas and Mint

{excuse the crappy iphone pic, why yes that is my reflection in the spoon!}

One thing I never anticipated about becoming a parent was ALL THE COOKING. And not just the cooking, the time it takes to think of, recipe search, shop for all the parts of all the meals you have to make. That after a while, it becomes a drag. It becomes another thing on an ever expanding list of shit to get done. Three meals a day, seven days a week will do that to you. Add in a three year old who thinks saying 'YUCK!' before even seeing what's for dinner is fun, and it doesn't make for the most rewarding of tasks 50% of the time.

I say all this as someone who adores food. Adores gathering up my (probably too large collection) of recipe books and reading them like novels, figuring out what is good and what is healthy and what we all might enjoy eating. I mean, have you seen how much delicious looking stuff I pin? I clearly love food.

Usually around the time a new season shows some promise of arriving (oh HELLO SPRING, IS THAT YOU???) I start to feel interested in feeding us all again. I can stop making the same meals that I have been for the past few months, the comfort in the form of heavy stews and winter vegetables can exit, and I can plan for fresher, lighter fare.

So here is the first recipe for a highly anitciaped changing of the seasons. It was delicious, easy and different for us, and enjoyed by three people.Tthis last one was a biggy - feeding a three year old aint no cake walk. Although it probably would be if I succomed to demands and only fed him cake, I'm sure.


Lightly Spiced Cucumber, Peas and Mint

Slightly adapted from Anjum's New Indian by Anjum Anand

Serves 3 -4 as a side dish/light lunch

1 1/2 tbsp vegetable oil

1 tsp cumin seeds

1/2 tsp yellow mustard seeds

1/2 tsp tumeric

1 tsp ground coriander

salt to taste

1 cucumber, peeled and sliced into thin half moons

120g frozen peas

4 rounded tbsp natural yogurt

1 tbsp fresh shredded mint leaves

Heat the oil in a non stick pan and add the cumin and mustard seeds.

Once they start to pop, add the remaining spices and salt and follow immediately with the cucumber. Cook over a moderate heat until the cucumber becomes slightly soft and translucent, around 4 -5 mins.

Add the peas and cook for another 3-4 mins, just to heat through.

Stir in the yogurt and mint, cook for 2 mins and serve.

Notes: I served this with tortillas and smoked salmon, but it was still a little on the light side - next time I'll double the recipe and then keep any leftovers for the next day. Anjum notes that this is a great dish either as an accompaniment to a full Indian meal, or even a Western style grill or roast. I think it would be great with chicken.

I might share some more of what we eat, if only so I can remember what I've cooked...

Three

And just like that, our baby turned Three.

For the first time we celebrated his birthday just the three of us. After a busy few months of travelling and being surrounded by friends, it felt like a quiet day would suit.

The night before, while S was sleeping, we snuck in to fill his room with balloons. He woke up the next morning and came to the door as he always does (he has a stair gate on it so he can't get out) called for us, and barely registered they were there. We all went and sat amongst the balloons and woke up a little.

My little sister was staying and left after we'd opened presents and cut the cake. The boys and I wrapped up warm and headed out, somewhere new we could explore and get a little lost together. We got two trains and a bus and arrived a big country house. It had an amazing adventure playground that was completely empty except for us. He threw himself into everything - the high rope bridges, big slides, tunnels. He seemed a little braver after turning three. 

M and I spent the day as we usually do on his birthday, discussing our disbelief that years are now passing since he came into the world. We talked about the night I went into labour, the morning he was born. Re-visiting the story with tears and giggles, as I hope we will do forever more. As much as a celebration it is of Sachin, it's a celebration of us, too.

It was a really good day.

Recently..

A little bit of the past month. There was a birthday, an Indian summer, packing up the memories, saying goodbye to London, saying hello to our new home, exploring our new city, pretty animals, home making, tea and cake and sunsets. 

 {More words soon. We finally get broadband today, THANK GOODNESS.}

22 months

At this age, we have discovered that Sachin is a little reflector of us in some ways. Most notably, the phrases that he likes to say over and over. You realise that after all this time of talking, talking, talking to him, it all went in.

His absolute favourite phrases are:

Um... I know! - I laugh nearly every time he says this, and then ask him what he knows. 'Pobably' (probably), he replies.

See you again soon! - I didn't even realise we say this.

Mummy/Daddy help you! - for when he needs help with something.

Oooooh...did it! - when he's done something difficult/that he's proud of.

Happy Daddy day! - Left over from fathers day, he still likes to say it every other day. At least.

Show Mummy/Daddy - whatever he's built or found or is proud of.

(I'm afraid all of those exclamation points are necessary - everything is said with such flourish)

The kid loves to talk. All the time. He loves to roll the words around in his mouth, laying in bed talking to himself, singing to himself too (this kills me with how cute it is) until he falls asleep. He can now sing three nursery rhymes all the way through. His singing voice is the best.

When we're out, he introduces himself to people. 'Name Sashin', he says, pointing to himself. He then points to whoever he's with, and introduces them. This is my family, he's saying.

Of course the words he can't quite say properly are the best. My absolute favourite, and one that will be forever etched into my memory, is COCKODEVIL (crocodile). Amazing. He can't pronounce L yet, and so in that common toddler way, he pronounces it Y. Yeyyow (yellow) and Yiyon (Lion). Nogurt (yogurt) is another favourite.

For an absolute bizarre and unknown reason he calls ants 'ittle panfers'. He lies on the ground, sees them coming and shouts with excitement, 'ittle panfers!'

He likes to talk on the phone. He used to just listen, but now he'll answer questions. He'll tell you what he's doing, or who he's with.

The most amazing development really, is his ability to state his opinion and more and more, tell us what he's feeling. He now says 'Sachi tired'. If you ask him what he wants to eat, he thinks about it, and then tells you. It is normally something that involves cheese. Or pasta.

He has also started to say no.

In the shower the other morning:
Me - 'Is it getting cold in there?
Sachin - es (yes)
Me - Shall we get out then?
Sachi - No!

We give him a choice about as much as possible, which (I think) helps him feel like he is making his own decisions, not that we are always telling him what to do. He chooses what he wears, and tries to dress himself as much as he can. He loves dressing up it turns out, and will put on one thing, run to the mirror, look at himself with a smile before declaring 'pretty!' or "handsome!' He especially loves anything of mine that is sparkly.

He is using more sophisticated language all the time, joining more words together. He just pulled off his longest sentence to date, pointing and declaring 'Daddy's shoes are over there!' He is also starting to talk about himself in the first person. 'I'm hungry', he said yesterday.

22 months really is my favourite age.

Recently

{exploring our new city}

{spending time in our old city and celebrating milestones}

{eggs the Project Subrosa way, first Summer Pimms}

{garden bounty - herbs, our first strawberries ready to pick/eat, frogs and the first Rose}

{the roses at Kew Gardens}

{bathing}

In hindsight, what amazing colour life has been full of recently.