Previously, on 'The Internet' #5

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

the excellent Joy does Drake on a Cake

• Some babies are easier than others. This is both comforting and true to my experience. 
• Not gonna lie, sometimes I totally rock 'TV hair' - but woah it's true, when did TV hair become a thing?
• The BEST 'about' page on the Internet. Hands down.

"DO NOT ASK ME TO WORK FOR NO MONEY DO NOT ASK ME TO WORK FOR NO MONEY. The answer will probably be no and then “fuck you. Why don’t you value my labour?”. I am a freelancer FFS. And yes, how nice that a Member of Parliament, lobbyist or full-time employed eminent charity worker agreed to your terms of NO MONEY. Of course they did. It is a job they are PAID TO DO. I AM A FREELANCER. IF I DO NOT WORK FOR A DAY I DO NOT GET PAID FOR A DAY. MY INDUSTRY IS IN CRISIS FOR THE SAKE OF FUCK. PAY ME OR FUCK OFF."

• The teacher every child deserves. This is is just brilliant. Maths the Bey way.
• Female friendship groups have been a good topic this week and it also coincided with my Wimmins day out, so fate. First there was this piece about a super secret sorority sisterhood Facebook group. My first thought was that I'm lucky enough to be part of a much smaller yet very similar version of this so it makes total sense to me. And even though the title of this is a little misleading - Why I Sext My Best Friends,  I really like this. I like the idea of throwing down a selfie and not being all 'sorry about my face/no make up/flab rolls lol' and being met with nothing but praising hands emoji. Because that's what my WIMMIN do best - love and cheerleading and awesome emoji use. Hands up who wants in on the titpics?
• I'm heavily in to black tights. Here they are ranked for us UK gals.
• The soul crushing reality of the stay at home Dad. Guys, I struggled with this. Isn't this just the reality of, oh I don't know SO MANY WOMEN? But I guess coming from a man, it's different? Feel free to tell me if I'm being harsh here.
• Despite one of my besties insisting that emojis are over (LALALALACATEICANTHEARYOU) I continue to use and read and advocate for them. (Omg guys, can we take a moment to imagine emoji advocate as a JOB?) This on Emoji feminism makes the case for how much further they have to evolve - we need representation! I'm also very much here for this Georgia O'Keefe emoji.

• Fuck yeah! In praise of ugly journaling . I definitely have a bit of visually pleasing ocd so this was a good reminder that not everything has to look good. 
• Make a cup of tea and sit down for this one, it's worth it. Up Against the Centerfold: What It Was Like to Report on Feminism for Playboy in 1969. It is fascinating. And will also make it want to throw things, obviously.
• Excellent tips on creativity from Elizabeth Gilbert 

"You will never hear more complaints than from people who live in creative fields. They are the most whingy, bitchy children that you’re ever going to meet. And the sense of entitlement and anguish that comes out of those people’s mouths makes me insane. You get to try to spend your life engaging with the absolute highest use of the human mind, and all you want to do is bitch about it? Shut up! No one made you do this. To act as though you’re burdened by your gifts, and burdened by your talent and exhausted by your creative endeavors, as though you were committed to it by an evil dictator rather than having chosen it with your free will is also ridiculous. And finally, and worst of all, you’re scaring inspiration away. Inspiration, like all of us, wants to be loved and appreciated, and if it hears you talking about how much it’s ruining your life, it will take its business elsewhere. So whenever I hear creative people complaining about how it’s a battlefield, and how they’re bleeding over their work, and how awful it is, I always want to whisper to inspiration and be like, “Hey, if you’re sick of her, just come over to me.'

• The Last Lifestyle Magazine - How Kinfolk created the dominant aesthetic of the decade with perfect lattes and avocado toast. The #kinfolk tag is used on average, once a minute on Instagram. That kind of blows my mind. Reading this I was kind of bored and glazed over, with moments of my ears pricking up. So sort of how I feel about the Kindolk aesthetic. 
• And now for something completely different. Alice Isn't Dead is a new podcast I listened to, alone, in bed, in the dark. Which, whilst it made it infinitely more scary, it definitely worked to set the mood. This fictional story is narrated by a woman driving a truck across America. (I liked her voice a lot). The first episode revolves around a diner encounter which, to be frank, is shitting scary. And yet I was gripped. She's relating the story to Alice, via a Wallis talkie which frequently cuts out and picks up in a different place. Really good listening to something so out of my wheelhouse. 
• I want one of these hair post its, and am mesmerised by these face brushes.
• Meanwhile, offline - the 6 year old and I watched this video of Caitlin Moran this week, which lead to an interesting discussion about chores at home. After talking about IWD he first asked, "is there a day for boys?", which, *gritted teeth emoji" but then he said "Mummy, I think the world is fairer for boys than girls" which made my feminist heart swell to 3 times the size. I may have bought this pink silky bomber jacket which is being modelled by a 6 year old. I made these meringues, adding 65g of melted chocolate and then melted more on top which is highly advisable. To serve, whip 2tbs of Nutella into 150ml double cream. So, so good. I went to London and ate some delicious wet brisket with awesome wimmim, and drank an amazing Asian daiquiri. I'm going to confess to mine and my husband's tiiiiiiny Bachelor addiction here, and we watched the final whilst shouting hysterically - only slightly more than at every other episode.

The magic hour

SPOILER ALERT: Sometimes, being a parent is hard. Some days, you're sleep deprived, your house is covered in an explosion of brightly coloured blocks and cheerios, and you feel like your child's only reason for living is to test you. Normally on these days, there will be tears, tantrums and the throwing of things. Sometimes them, sometimes you. 


But. BUT. I have a secret. No matter how hard the day has been, there is without fail, one part that will miraculously render the memory of the previous hours null and void. 


BATH TIME. In our house, this is the magic hour. No matter how close we have been to killing each other minutes before, the call of 'bath time!' does something. On very bad days, I have been known to run a bath at 3pm. On very bad days, we have stayed there, swimming in that water, for hours. We wash the day off. We play. We sing. We talk and laugh and without fail, we are happy.

Two

Today, Sachin turns two.

It's been coming a while. Well, it's been coming since his last birthday (duh), but for the past few weeks we've really felt it.

To M - 'Can you believe he is TWO?!'

We turn and watch him. Talking, playing, being all grown up like only a two year old can be. Like only someone who is being watched through the eyes of the people who have known him all his life, can seem.

The thing is, is that we remember everything like it was yesterday. Wasn't I pregnant with him just last month? Wasn't he born like, 5 minutes ago? All of the versions of him we've been lucky enough to have so far, are so fresh and etched into us, that it just feels impossible. Impossible that two years ago today, at 9.40am, the three of us met each other for the first time.

These memories are both so fresh that they feel new, so deep they feel life long.

The cliche of time flying never becomes more used, more felt, than when you are watching someone's days, weeks, months, turn into years. We have watched this little human being become a person. We have helped this little person put in to motion the wheels of who he will become.

And everyday he becomes more and more wonderful. Astonishing, really.

We've been asking him these past few days;

'How old are you Sachin?'
' Two minutes!'
'Nearly...' we encourage.
After thinking about it, ' Two old!' he says confidently.

Close enough baby, close enough.

Happy Birthday my darling boy x

22 months

At this age, we have discovered that Sachin is a little reflector of us in some ways. Most notably, the phrases that he likes to say over and over. You realise that after all this time of talking, talking, talking to him, it all went in.

His absolute favourite phrases are:

Um... I know! - I laugh nearly every time he says this, and then ask him what he knows. 'Pobably' (probably), he replies.

See you again soon! - I didn't even realise we say this.

Mummy/Daddy help you! - for when he needs help with something.

Oooooh...did it! - when he's done something difficult/that he's proud of.

Happy Daddy day! - Left over from fathers day, he still likes to say it every other day. At least.

Show Mummy/Daddy - whatever he's built or found or is proud of.

(I'm afraid all of those exclamation points are necessary - everything is said with such flourish)

The kid loves to talk. All the time. He loves to roll the words around in his mouth, laying in bed talking to himself, singing to himself too (this kills me with how cute it is) until he falls asleep. He can now sing three nursery rhymes all the way through. His singing voice is the best.

When we're out, he introduces himself to people. 'Name Sashin', he says, pointing to himself. He then points to whoever he's with, and introduces them. This is my family, he's saying.

Of course the words he can't quite say properly are the best. My absolute favourite, and one that will be forever etched into my memory, is COCKODEVIL (crocodile). Amazing. He can't pronounce L yet, and so in that common toddler way, he pronounces it Y. Yeyyow (yellow) and Yiyon (Lion). Nogurt (yogurt) is another favourite.

For an absolute bizarre and unknown reason he calls ants 'ittle panfers'. He lies on the ground, sees them coming and shouts with excitement, 'ittle panfers!'

He likes to talk on the phone. He used to just listen, but now he'll answer questions. He'll tell you what he's doing, or who he's with.

The most amazing development really, is his ability to state his opinion and more and more, tell us what he's feeling. He now says 'Sachi tired'. If you ask him what he wants to eat, he thinks about it, and then tells you. It is normally something that involves cheese. Or pasta.

He has also started to say no.

In the shower the other morning:
Me - 'Is it getting cold in there?
Sachin - es (yes)
Me - Shall we get out then?
Sachi - No!

We give him a choice about as much as possible, which (I think) helps him feel like he is making his own decisions, not that we are always telling him what to do. He chooses what he wears, and tries to dress himself as much as he can. He loves dressing up it turns out, and will put on one thing, run to the mirror, look at himself with a smile before declaring 'pretty!' or "handsome!' He especially loves anything of mine that is sparkly.

He is using more sophisticated language all the time, joining more words together. He just pulled off his longest sentence to date, pointing and declaring 'Daddy's shoes are over there!' He is also starting to talk about himself in the first person. 'I'm hungry', he said yesterday.

22 months really is my favourite age.

How to draw a Penguin

We LOVE Oliver Jeffers in this house. His books are charming and thoughtful, and well, beautiful really. I thoroughly recommend his books as a great addition to adult and child libraries. I also recommend busting out the crayons (having a child present is optional) and following these instructions on how to draw a penguin.

Oliver Jeffers - How to draw a Penguin via The Guardian

9 months and 3 weeks

* You wake up every morning, without fail, in the happiest mood I know. Daddy and I hear you chat, and sing and clap your hands. Sometimes we race in to be the one who sees you first. Sometimes it's a bit harder to get ourselves out of bed...

* You love to chat all day now. Lots of new noises, but mostly dadada, mamama or bababa. Whenever there's a new sound, it's very exciting. Dididi is your latest.

* You love to explore everything. Crawling is old hat now, and you've taken to pulling yourself up and taking tiny, unsteady steps whilst holding on to things. It's amazing to see you challenge yourself as you work out co-ordination and balance.

* You love your reflection (almost as much as Daddy loves his). You chat away to the baby, and often kiss him too.

* Clapping is a big thing for you. Since that day you woke up with this new ability, you just can't stop. You're starting to wave more too, although sometimes get the two mixed up!

* You love to eat. You haven't yet met a food, or object for that matter, that you don't love munching. You're happiest when you can hold your food, and especially happy if Mummy is feeding you at the same time.

* Your hair is still growing in a mowhawk. We have no idea why it only grows down the center of your head. We love to make it sticky-upy when you have a bath.

* Bath time is lots of fun. You love to splash and swim around, chewing Mrs Duck the rubber duck. Your new trick is to pull the plug out, which often means short baths!

* You sleep on your tummy now, and mostly end up in a star shape, arms out wide. Daddy and I sneak in and check on you every night. We look at each other and share a look that says ' Can you believe how lucky we are?' We can't.