previously, on 'the internet' #9

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

THE BEAUTY OF CAREFREE YOUTH CAPTURED IN FATHER’S PORTRAITS OF HIS SIX CHILDREN

by Alain Laboile

• Some fictional lolz. 

'Obviously I'm thrilled that the theme of men desiring sex with the naive and nubile is finally getting the literary revival it has long deserved. Mr. Colapinto is an American hero, an artist willing to ask the vital question: what if an older man wanted to fuck hot teens?'

• 'We restore order with imagination' I have no idea where this quote comes from, but I wrote in in my notes sometime last year. It calls to me this quote as it works in so many contexts for me. It sprang to mind whilst I was reading this over at The Atlantic, about narrative psychology and how we arrange Life's Stories. 

“Life is incredibly complex, there are lots of things going on in our environment and in our lives at all times, and in order to hold onto our experience, we need to make meaning out of it,” Adler says. “The way we do that is by structuring our lives into stories.”

• Why Do We Talk About Millennials Like They're All Middle Class?

• I like the things Dolly has to say about tackling life crises.

• My love for Rebecca's writing about motherhood, hell humanhood, is so deep. I choked up reading this, about the houses we are building and the houses that are neglected, about women and community and raising kids and everything. I am here and this is me. It might be you, too.

"People warned us years ago and we rolled our eyes because we were strong and capable. Of raising confident children. And maintaining a sturdy marriage. Pursuing a career...
"I'll never be like that," we said.
"I've got this. Muscle arm emoji."
We were right. WE ARE STRONG and capable. But somedays we catch a glimpse of ourselves in the mirror, shaking our heads... Somedays we yearn for the house we had all those years ago -- the house that was JUST for us. The house that we cannot, even if we wanted to, rebuild..."

• Loved this on how we read, and lies about attention. I am currently listening to one audio book, dipping in and out of two non-fiction, two books of poetry, and one fiction. Natch. 

"I read with continuous partial attention and I don’t care that I am frequently interrupting my own reading. I despise the discourse that says we are all shallow, that we are all flighty, distracted, not paying attention. I am paying attention, but I am paying attention to everything, and even if my knowledge is fragmented and hard to synthesise it is wider, and it plays in a vaster sphere, than any knowledge that has gone before."

• I watched a very interesting Twitter conversation play out this week, about 'me-ternity time'. Hang on, I'll wait here whilst you eyeroll. Done? Me-ternity is the idea that it's not just women who should get a time of paid 'leave', that anyone should be able to take paid leave from their job. There are m a n y issues with this argument, mainly using maternity leave as an example of some kind of holiday from your job. I obviously take umbrage with this. Making women, who often have no choice but to care for their children, the enemy is not the answer. It also fails to acknowledge the very real implications that women face taking time out of a workplace to child rear face. Laura Bates writes more in The Guardian. I do however support that anyone should be able to take time out if they want/need to, with minimal implications. To me, this surely seems like more of a case for universal basic income? 

• meanwhile, offline... I finished Mating in Captivity and can throughly recommend it if you have any interest in relationships, sex, commitment, or monogamy. Still obsessively listening to Lemonade. I have temporarily given up on two TV series this week - The Five and The Tunnel respectively. I just can't with all the prolific sexual violence towards women on screen. Does anyone else ever feel like that? It's just too much. I had nightmares for a week about both of these and it's not worth it. On a happier note, the final two episodes of Master of None were lovely. Not perfect, but realistic and witty and I'm looking forward to season 2. PASTA. I went to see Sunset Boulevard with my bestie (it was brilliant) and he even took me for a Burger at Five Guys and an awesome cocktail at ECC before hand. The last few episodes of Freakanomics have been particularly great - about getting better at stuff. In a nutshell. May in Brighton means FESTIVAL TIME! The city is buzzing and there is creativity everywhere. We're planning on seeing a giant marionette circus and some comedy and lots of drinking at the pop ups around the city. Roll on summer.

previously, on The Internet CANCELLED DUE TO LEMONADE

Guys, who am I kidding? What else has there even been on the internet this week except Beyonce?

Nothing. That's what.

Now you're going to need to either download Tidal or buy on iTunes, but here's a start for you.

"He Better call Becky with the good hair" - Beyoncé#holdup #beyhive #lemonade #sorryhttps://t.co/0btHa5Z6lx

— BeyHive Daily (@BeyHiveMore) April 24, 2016

I could talk about this visual album all day long. It is really worth your time to find the hour to watch the whole thing from start to finish. The music is woven together with spoken poetry, against a backdrop of some of the most beautiful scenes. I have screenshot it so many times, just so I can stare a little longer at that expression, or those shadows, or that colour palette.

Lyrically, it is powerful and vulnerable, raw honesty mixed with pure agression. A bleeding heart. When do we get to see women like this? Joyful in their destruction, bleeding on the floor at the hands of emotional turmoil, defiant and strong and tired and hopelessy devoted? Not enough. Maybe not ever, like this.

Constantly aware of it all
My lonely ear
Pressed against the walls of your world

Who the fuck do you think I is?
You ain't married to no average bitch boy
You can watch my fat ass twist boy
As I bounce to the next dick boy

Middle fingers up, put them hands high
Wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye

True love breathes salvation back into me
With every tear came redemption
And my torturer became a remedy

Tell me, what did I do wrong?
Oh, already asked that, my bad
But you my lifeline, think you tryna kill me?

And we can't talk about Lemonade without talking about Warsan Shire. Her poetry is the most sublime undercurrent, pulsing throughout like a heartbeat.


Warsan Shire - "For Women Who Are Difficult To Love" from MovingOn on Vimeo.

"So what are you going to say at my funeral now that you've killed me? Here lies the body of the love of my life whose heart I broke without a gun to my head. Here lies the mother of my children both living and dead. Rest in peace, my true love, who I took for granted."

"You remind me of my father, a magician… able to exist in two places at once. In the tradition of men in my blood, you come home at 3 a.m. and lie to me. What are you hiding? The past and the future merge to meet us here. What luck. What a f--king curse."

"I tried to change, closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for 60 days, wore white, abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word… I grew thickened skin on my feet I bathed in bleach and plugged my menses with pages from the holy book, but still inside me, coiled deep, was the need to know…are you cheating on me?"

Sign up for my #lemonade support group in the comments.

previously, on 'the internet' #8

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

I have been to this beach so many times, but never at low tide before. Look at this magic.

• I've been seeing a LOT around the internets on the new Nancy Jo Sales book "American Girls". You may know Sales, as I do, for her brilliant pop culture articles - the most famous being this Leo piece, or her work on The Bling Ring. But with this book, I fear she's going to make me angry. Girls are under a microscope - how they act, what they wear, how many selfies they choose to upload and why. And yet, where are the boys in all of this? WHERE. ARE. THE. BOYS? Social media culture is not exclusive to girls, boys have the Internet too people. And so surely, rather forging on with this divide and holding one gender up to a higher standard, we should be looking at this across the board? Sigh. This article in the Washington Post puts it far more eloquently than I can. 

• I liked this on your present vs your future, and the preoccupation with being busy. How we tend to focus on the present (isn't that the way to be mindful? I can't remember) at the detriment of our future selves. 

"Sometimes you need to be irresponsible with your current challenges in order to make real progress on your future self. You have to let the present just sit there, untended. It’s not going away and will never end. That’s the nature of the present."

• If you haven't watched Catastrophe, I URGE you, hunt it down and binge. A dark comedy (aka the best kind of comedy) which starts with a six night stands and follows the relationship from there. It is fucking hilarious. And this profile on Sharon Horgan will definitely sell it to you (plus a new HBO show coming!) Full disclosure, I have a ridiculous crush on Delaney, obviously, as he is bearded. Related, my Jeffrey Dean Morgan obsession.

• The Sad, Beautiful Fact That We're All Going To Miss Almost Everything. I find comfort in this, and also really love flipping th whole 'well read' thing on its head.

• For the first time in ages, I have my reading mojo back (in no small part due to woman lives book club, currently awaiting book 3 from the library) This listicle of Spring reads is exciting me.

• Staying in is the new going out. YESSSSSSS mate.

from a series by the novelist and artist Douglas Coupland, called ‘‘Slogans for the 21st Century,’’ painted between 2011 and 2014.

• Rebecca wrote about time travelling with her son. I love the way she shares her motherhood, and the tenderness of raising a boy. Ridiculously inspiring for me.

• Phone Lolz. What happens when you trade your iphone for a flip phone.

"Even stranger than that has been people's reactions to seeing my flip phone. The most common one is mockery—an incredulous "That's your phone?" as if I pulled out a can with a string attached that stretched out of the room—followed by an insinuation that I'm a drug dealer and that it's my burner."

• Memory fascinates me. My own memory is something I've especially wondered about (I should probably talk my theory through with a mental health professional, lolz). ANYWAY, I like this on whether your memory can ever really be accurate, and how we're all just narrative building.

• For my fellow Master of None fans - this just made me happy. I felt there was a sprinkling of Tom Haverford in Aziz here. Also, ROME!

• Female orgasms are definitely a feminist issue. The problems girls are experiencing with sex are the same problems women are still having. Another case of WHERE ARE THE MEN? Caitlin Moran wrote about sex education this week. It's all linked. If we teach our kids that sex is a two way, pleasure for all street, as well as how to do it safely, then everyone's a winner. I mean, look at the stats! We need this. Women deserve better than those figures right there. You need a Times subscription for the Caitlin article, but here is an excerpt - 

"Statistically, you’re most likely to learn about sex from pornography – NUS research found this is where 60 per cent of students got their information from. The problem here is that pornography, obviously, isn’t sex – it’s pornography. It’s a business – peddling a cold, emotionless simulacrum of humping, and prone to obsessive fads: anal sex; slapping; light strangling. I would pay a great deal of money for no 14-year-old boy or girl ever to have this as their formative education on what should be a joyous, friendly, occasionally ridiculous but hopefully life-affirming part of their lives." 

• Meanwhile offline, all I want to talk about is Luckiest Girl Alive. In fact I already instagrammed and tweeted it, so here we come full circle. Written by Jessica Knoll, it has depth and darkness and feels throughly modern and of the moment, IYKWIM. Plus a twist after The Twist. I finally watched the Marnie episode on Girls (episode 6 of all Girls searches are such beautifully crafted standalones) and this did not disappoint. I'm really enjoying this series, although We Need To Talk About Hannah. I made the wonderful/terrible decision to try a new Jillian Michaels workout. Obviously, I didn't really read about it until I was 15 minutes in, gasping for air and flailing, before realising it was not made for my level of fitness. I felt amazing/like death afterwards. I actually managed it twice last week so I'm going to call that a win. The biohacking episode of Note to Self is fascinating, if a little batshit. Living to 180? I'm ok thanks. aAnd the 'getting high on wearables' ep is total lolz and lifgoalz. There may have been a little bit of dreaming of summer and short dresses.

Previously, on 'The Internet' #7

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

Soho Rose Farm, see below

• "When our souls are happy, they talk about food." Man, this is just beautiful writing about life and food. Like having lunch with a super interesting person who knows how to feed you.

• Cara has such a beautiful way with words, and this piece on her old souled daughter is particularly special and hit me right in the gut, as the old soul Mother of an old soul Son.

"I can't help but wonder what age she will reach when the world feels more comfortable to her, what age it is that her heart was born."

• This is interesting, on digital grief in an emoji world.

"To choose the same emoji to express our sadness at the end of our favourite television series and articulate our response to a bomb exploding in a packed airport may seem inappropriate and in poor taste. But perhaps when we turn to social media in the aftermath of these events we are looking to exhaust their impact, and empty them of fear and evil."

• Who hasn't dreamt of running off to start a flower farm? Or, more accurately, have someone else run the flower farm so you can photograph all the beauty and frolic is the flowers? 

• Some of these are totally valid feelings! Most notably, bra being on too long and whatever song is playing in the background. 

• If you've ever been travelling or just fed up with the grind then I'm pretty sure you've contemplated how much you need to really live, what really makes you happy?

"Big companies didn’t make their millions by earnestly promoting the virtues of their products, they made it by creating a culture of hundreds of millions of people that buy way more than they need and try to chase away dissatisfaction with money.
We buy stuff to cheer ourselves up, to keep up with the Joneses, to fulfill our childhood vision of what our adulthood would be like, to broadcast our status to the world, and for a lot of other psychological reasons that have very little to do with how useful the product really is."

• Please tell me you loved Sabrina the Teenage Witch? Salem was probably my spirit animal. 

• Raising a boy makes my husband and I very aware of the way boys are being taught to express emotion and feelings. At six, seeing his friendships with other boys is just joyful - they love each other, hold hands, declare they will get married. It's a gorgeous thing to watch in action. And yet we're quietly watching, waiting for the ride to turn. Teaching Men to Be Emotionally Honest:

Research shows what early childhood teachers have always known: that from infancy through age 4 or 5, boys are more emotive than girls. One study out of Harvard Medical School and Boston Children’s Hospital in 1999 found that 6-month-old boys were more likely to show “facial expressions of anger, to fuss, to gesture to be picked up” and “tended to cry more than girls.”“Boys were also more socially oriented than girls,” the report said — more likely to look at their mother and “display facial expressions of joy.”

• Meanwhile, offline. Today is the last day of two week half term. Pretty psyched for a quiet hour or two to return to the house. Not gonna lie. I finished Big Little Lies. It was gripping and real and quietly intense. I started reading Mating in Captivity which is fascinating. My husband had his {redacted} birthday! We celebrated with kid free time, wandering the streets of our beloved city and eating burgers (Britonians - they were good, but nothing can touch Hobgoblin. Don't say I didn't tell you.). I also made a chocolate fudge cake with caramel icing because I am an excellent wife. We had an awesome second day of celebrating with friends and a visit to the beach, and one of the best ice cream joints in this town. I listened to The New Yorker Podcast purely for Larry David, and finished House of Cards season 4. Season 4 is goooood y'all.

Previously, on 'The Internet' #6

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

The most beautiful thing I saw on the Internet this week.

I'm a day late with what I read on the internet this week as it's Easter! Happy Easter y'all. Obviously I was busy doing a last minute chocolate run and subsequently shovelling mini eggs into my face at the rate of 2 per minute before passing out in a sugar coma. Here's what I read before that happened.

• I really laughed at this. An actual LOL whilst my husband was watching football causing him to question my snorts.

★★★★ My family absolutely loved this dish. Thank you, Food Network! I’ll confess: I did sprinkle about a half gram of cocaine in with the potato and mushroom mixture. Will definitely be making this again!

• I've been seeing so much about self care lately, it's the buzz phrase of 2016 right? And I am all for some self care, even though I find it very hard to actually get it done and most of what I read I feel is all well duh.. I have a half formed blog post on the subject. But I liked this piece by Meg Worden very much, with tips that feel properly useful and also some nice caring language. Plus a reminder that you know what? Shit is hard and we are tired. And your best is just all there is sometimes and that's just fine.
• On friendships. I don't know if it's my life stage or current situations, but I find myself thinking about this stuff more and more. And Friends as Family reminded me of this quote from Sex and the City; 

"The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself."

• On listening to an old episode of The Longest Shortest Time they shared a really interesting story, Peeping Mom. "In the endless, freezing winter of 2008, Chicago writer Megan Stielstra discovered that her video baby monitor could jump onto her neighbour's wi-fi signal. Over time, she realized that watching the family next door ultimately helped her cope with postpartum depression" . The show used excerpts , but I actaully preferred the original audio story which you can download here.
• Eating Dirty with Ruby Tandoh is genius. I might have to request she do a KFC review, I love my yearly KFC.
• Telling someone you liked what they wrote/created/shared etc feels good right? Here's a nice reminder to do it more.
• I really wish I could use the poo emoji here. I guess people will live tweet any old shit these days? BOOM. But seriously, this is lolz.
• Bit mean, but not gonna lie, #sadaffleck made me chuckle.

Husbands birthday is upon us and so commences the annual cake research project. He's asked for a mars bar cake.... but, I mean, will this do?

• I shared an article in a previous round up that spoke about personal growth in marriage, and I've been thinking about that a lot lately. This rather beautiful article is more in depth but similar matter;

"Bhoga involves learning to ride the waves of our feelings rather than becoming submerged in them. This requires mindfulness of where we are in the cycle of emotional experience. A skilled surfer is aware of exactly where he is on a wave, whereas an unskilled surfer winds up getting creamed. By their very nature, waves are rising fifty percent of the time and falling the other fifty percent. Instead of fighting the down cycles of our emotional life, we need to learn to keep our seat on the surfboard and have a full, conscious experience of going down. Especially in a culture that is addicted to “up,” we especially need our “yes” when the down cycles unfold—to be willing to fall apart, retreat, slow down, be patient, let go. For it’s often at the bottom of a down cycle, when everything looks totally bleak and miserable, that we finally receive a flash of insight that lets us see the hidden contours of some huge ego fixation in which we’ve been stuck all our life. Having a full, conscious experience of the down cycle as it’s occurring, instead of fighting or transcending it, lets us be available for these moments of illumination."

• Love and death and life going on, sometimes in unexpected ways. Warning, this might make you cry.
• Happiness Is an Arm of Resilience. Ending with this as I found it rather comforting with lots of lovely takeaways.

"Happiness is not about feeling like everything’s great, but about recognizing our inner resource of self-trust and our connection to others that keeps us from feeling depleted by tough emotions and experiences."

• Meanwhile, offline... I made these meringues again, but had an epic piping bag fail. I think it's too small? Can anyone tell me whether I just need a GIANT piping bag?! I had a little podcast listening binge, my favourite being Seriously on Radio 4. The episode was 6 Degrees of Connection and now I want to plough through it's archive. Related, I realised how used to American voices I'm becoming through podcast. Listening to this felt very British. I downloaded Liane Moriarty's Big Little Lies on audiobook after loving her previous book. I'm just too tired to both read and hold a book up in bed guys. Sad times. Togetherness has been cancelled! I've grown quite fond of those characters, and the depictions of the messiness of being an adult. It's a subtle, heartfelt look at a couple, a sister and a best friend, with a really lovely focus on guy friendship which is often lacking on TV. And Amanda Peet is everything. Seek it out and binge watch before it's too late. Do you ever think music sounds like a person? Something very, very subtle...like the tones, or mood, or rhythm... This whole album, Broken Heart Surgery, is beautiful. And just happens to sound like my husband to me.

As ever, lets talk about this weeks internet in the comments!

Previously, on 'The Internet' #5

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

the excellent Joy does Drake on a Cake

• Some babies are easier than others. This is both comforting and true to my experience. 
• Not gonna lie, sometimes I totally rock 'TV hair' - but woah it's true, when did TV hair become a thing?
• The BEST 'about' page on the Internet. Hands down.

"DO NOT ASK ME TO WORK FOR NO MONEY DO NOT ASK ME TO WORK FOR NO MONEY. The answer will probably be no and then “fuck you. Why don’t you value my labour?”. I am a freelancer FFS. And yes, how nice that a Member of Parliament, lobbyist or full-time employed eminent charity worker agreed to your terms of NO MONEY. Of course they did. It is a job they are PAID TO DO. I AM A FREELANCER. IF I DO NOT WORK FOR A DAY I DO NOT GET PAID FOR A DAY. MY INDUSTRY IS IN CRISIS FOR THE SAKE OF FUCK. PAY ME OR FUCK OFF."

• The teacher every child deserves. This is is just brilliant. Maths the Bey way.
• Female friendship groups have been a good topic this week and it also coincided with my Wimmins day out, so fate. First there was this piece about a super secret sorority sisterhood Facebook group. My first thought was that I'm lucky enough to be part of a much smaller yet very similar version of this so it makes total sense to me. And even though the title of this is a little misleading - Why I Sext My Best Friends,  I really like this. I like the idea of throwing down a selfie and not being all 'sorry about my face/no make up/flab rolls lol' and being met with nothing but praising hands emoji. Because that's what my WIMMIN do best - love and cheerleading and awesome emoji use. Hands up who wants in on the titpics?
• I'm heavily in to black tights. Here they are ranked for us UK gals.
• The soul crushing reality of the stay at home Dad. Guys, I struggled with this. Isn't this just the reality of, oh I don't know SO MANY WOMEN? But I guess coming from a man, it's different? Feel free to tell me if I'm being harsh here.
• Despite one of my besties insisting that emojis are over (LALALALACATEICANTHEARYOU) I continue to use and read and advocate for them. (Omg guys, can we take a moment to imagine emoji advocate as a JOB?) This on Emoji feminism makes the case for how much further they have to evolve - we need representation! I'm also very much here for this Georgia O'Keefe emoji.

• Fuck yeah! In praise of ugly journaling . I definitely have a bit of visually pleasing ocd so this was a good reminder that not everything has to look good. 
• Make a cup of tea and sit down for this one, it's worth it. Up Against the Centerfold: What It Was Like to Report on Feminism for Playboy in 1969. It is fascinating. And will also make it want to throw things, obviously.
• Excellent tips on creativity from Elizabeth Gilbert 

"You will never hear more complaints than from people who live in creative fields. They are the most whingy, bitchy children that you’re ever going to meet. And the sense of entitlement and anguish that comes out of those people’s mouths makes me insane. You get to try to spend your life engaging with the absolute highest use of the human mind, and all you want to do is bitch about it? Shut up! No one made you do this. To act as though you’re burdened by your gifts, and burdened by your talent and exhausted by your creative endeavors, as though you were committed to it by an evil dictator rather than having chosen it with your free will is also ridiculous. And finally, and worst of all, you’re scaring inspiration away. Inspiration, like all of us, wants to be loved and appreciated, and if it hears you talking about how much it’s ruining your life, it will take its business elsewhere. So whenever I hear creative people complaining about how it’s a battlefield, and how they’re bleeding over their work, and how awful it is, I always want to whisper to inspiration and be like, “Hey, if you’re sick of her, just come over to me.'

• The Last Lifestyle Magazine - How Kinfolk created the dominant aesthetic of the decade with perfect lattes and avocado toast. The #kinfolk tag is used on average, once a minute on Instagram. That kind of blows my mind. Reading this I was kind of bored and glazed over, with moments of my ears pricking up. So sort of how I feel about the Kindolk aesthetic. 
• And now for something completely different. Alice Isn't Dead is a new podcast I listened to, alone, in bed, in the dark. Which, whilst it made it infinitely more scary, it definitely worked to set the mood. This fictional story is narrated by a woman driving a truck across America. (I liked her voice a lot). The first episode revolves around a diner encounter which, to be frank, is shitting scary. And yet I was gripped. She's relating the story to Alice, via a Wallis talkie which frequently cuts out and picks up in a different place. Really good listening to something so out of my wheelhouse. 
• I want one of these hair post its, and am mesmerised by these face brushes.
• Meanwhile, offline - the 6 year old and I watched this video of Caitlin Moran this week, which lead to an interesting discussion about chores at home. After talking about IWD he first asked, "is there a day for boys?", which, *gritted teeth emoji" but then he said "Mummy, I think the world is fairer for boys than girls" which made my feminist heart swell to 3 times the size. I may have bought this pink silky bomber jacket which is being modelled by a 6 year old. I made these meringues, adding 65g of melted chocolate and then melted more on top which is highly advisable. To serve, whip 2tbs of Nutella into 150ml double cream. So, so good. I went to London and ate some delicious wet brisket with awesome wimmim, and drank an amazing Asian daiquiri. I'm going to confess to mine and my husband's tiiiiiiny Bachelor addiction here, and we watched the final whilst shouting hysterically - only slightly more than at every other episode.

Previously, on 'The Internet' #4

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

This beautiful 'End of the Pier' series by Finn Hopson

•  LOL is the new full stop. This makes total sense to me, as someone who I often uses *thinking emoji* instead of '?'. ' If you study language or linguistics then it must be a very exciting time right now - people developing language via abreviations and emoji in a really interesting way, the likes of which can't have been seen in our culture for a while. Lisa of Amid Priviidge wrote a great post about emojis infiltrating our lives, and the comment section was so interesting to someone who just sees them as new words. *sparkle heart*

• This piece on our somewhat antiquated views on kids and screens and tech is excellent. I am the owner of a 6 year old who is obsessed with Words with Friends and any and all Minion games. I've been starting to feel less guilty about this recently - he plays Words With Friends with his Dad when he is at work or commuting, and this connection they have even when Daddy isn't at home is an important and added layer to their relationship. Plus it's healthy competition and S is constantly adding to his language and his spelling is pretty damn amazing. We ask Siri about dinosaurs and FaceTime with family; I've just downloaded a coding game because he asked me if he could make his own app. The todler can get into Netflix and find Peppa Pig, which I'm not so excited about....With tech becoming ever more prominent in our lives, discovering ways in which it can work for us rather than resorting to guilt and grinding against it at should probably be the real goal. 

“The laptop play we’ve stumbled on feels right. It’s not passive, mesmerised, isolated TV watching. Instead, it’s a shared experience that involves lots of imagination, physically running around the house (screeching with laughter, no less!), and mixing up story-worlds, the real world, and play.”

• Oh man, I loved this so much. The crazy romance of falling hard for a new friend is a very special thing. In a totally non weirdo stalker way.

"But new friendship, often totally left out of the public conversation, is a way to feel continually alive, nervous, when seen again for the first time. While my oldest friends know who I’ve been, my new friends help me understand who I’m becoming. Even a small comment can feel enlightening, “Well, you’re so good at that…” I am? Oh, I didn’t used to be?It’s fun to have new mirrors to look into, new chemistry to experience, new stories to hear. I’m so grateful to keep swooning."

• One of the reasons I love the beach and I find it so therapeutic to live here - the importance of feeling awe. 

“All your selfish little concerns mean nothing next to the grandeur of the universe,” says Kaku. “Awe gives you an existential shock. You realize that you are hardwired to be a little selfish, but you are also dependent on something bigger than yourself. Einstein was a tremendous influence on us because he was a messenger from the stars. We look at the stars and think, ‘My problems are so trivial compared to the majesty of the night sky.’”

• I follow Esther Perel on Twitter after watching her Ted talk 'The Secret to desire in a long term relationships' and her book, 'Mating in Captivity' is on my to read list. Here she has a few date night tips for parents, which actually shifted my thinking a little and made me decide to change a night out we had planned to a day date, because, why date at the end of the day when you've spent it dealing with kids and changing nappies and cooking all the meals? Related; a love story to make you cry, three ways to look at Marriage, and why your partner telling you they get where you're coming from is such a big deal.
• Meanwhile, offline... hardly anything has happened. We have just come out of our two weeks of surgery quarantine, YESSSSSSS! so life can resume. We did made this cake (I suggest filling with whipped cream instead), I escaped and ate out at my favourite place with one of my favourite people (GO BRIGHTONIANS GO), I drank this, we're currently eagerly awaiting our dinosaur egg to hatch, I caught up on Nashville and the kids tentatively played with friends at the park whilst I gossiped with friends. Plus, I think Spring arrived?!

Previously, on 'The Internet' #3

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

One week down into the 6 year olds tonsil surgery recovery, and we're all still alive! And happy! And alive! After the stress of the first few days, being alive feels noteworthy. The grown ups of the house are slightly sleep deprived, but really, we expect to feel this way until 2034, so nbd.

• Let's kick this week off with one of my top 5 favourite things in life - EMOJI. Grace Dent makes the excellent case for the femoji over at Stylist;03.

"When I want to symbolise myself – a real-life woman who rarely wears pink, or smiles coyly – I use the emoji of the man in a traditional Buckingham Palace-style bearskin. From a distance it looks like my beehive.And although I am thrilled and grateful for emoji’s long, ripe, phallic aubergine, as of yet there is nothing to hint towards what’s in my pants. Or, more crucially, what’s inside around 50% of the world’s knickers too." 

I did that thing you should never do when you read something you like, I searched the Internet to see what their people were saying about femoji. Oh guys *eyes lowered and sad mouth emoji* The thing about never reading the bottom half of the Internet is so depressingly true. The Cut has a particularly ridiculous response, and the comment underneath it about "being ladylike and keeping bodily functions to yourself" made me literally want to go hulk and smash my phone. Only for a second, I love you really phone.

• There is no such thing as a true story, says Ellen Urbani. This is shatteringly beautiful. On the difference between the 'truth', and the truth we tell ourselves and others.

• In the spirit of talking about our bodies freely (and also to piss off internet commenters like the above) I steer you in the direction of this piece about the Vagina and its complex relationship to our brain. 

"Female sexual pleasure, rightly understood, is not just about sexuality, or just about pleasure. It serves, also, as a medium of female self-knowledge and hopefulness; female creativity and courage; female focus and initiative; female bliss and transcendence; and as medium of a sensibility that feels very much like freedom. To understand the vagina properly is to realize that it is not only coextensive with the female brain, but is also, essentially, part of the female soul."

• I've been mulling over friendships a lot recently. This wonderful piece really struck a cord for me. Despite me not being single, I'm finding that the older I get and the longer I'm in a committed relationship, the more I want and need the love and support and total utter LOLZ of my circle.

• If you have any interest in yourself, your emotions, psychology, therapy, the mind (if you said no to any of those then we may need to talk), then you should start following Hove Therapist STAT. In 2016 I seriously question any professionals who don't have an internet presence. In this case, ideas and research about all of the above are shared and explored, making therapy not only accessible, but relatable to our everyday life. I'm sure many people could use this helpful guide to knowing if therapy might be for you.

• A new species of Octopus who looks just like Casper?! GAH.

• Grace over at Design Sponge shared her favourite instagrammers over 40. I think this is a really important subject on social media. I love Instagram. I love Pinterest. Yet I am so often EXHAUSTED by the overwhelming youth and white middle class-ness of it all. I particularly love Chinatown Pretty - 'Celebrating the street style of seniors living (and grocery shopping) in SF Chinatown.'

A photo posted by Chinatown Pretty (@chinatownpretty) on Dec 29, 2015 at 8:36am PST

• Even in 1989 Nora Ephron knew what was up with Donald Trump.

• Sorry, not sorry. Jk, I'm British, I'm always sorry! 'The British are famous for how frequently they say ‘sorry’ – even when they’re not at fault. But does the data hold up this stereotype? And is apologising so often really that bad?'

• Meanwhile, offline... I watched Giles Coren, My Failed Novel. It was mostly middle upper class white men discussing their writing process (I would LOVE a version made entirely with women to see what that experience is like) but it was pretty insightful. Also Togetherness S2E2 which totally made me lol in the final scene. Wrapped in Rainbows, The Life of Zora Neale Hurston is the second book club book and I'm captivated 200 pages in. This weeks episode of Note To Self was funny and sweet and NSFW. Go listen, and let me know if you download the suggested app and how that goes for you...

'Til next week, lovers.

Previously, on 'The Internet' #2

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

Dear readers, it's been a week. And I'm about to be catapulted directly into another one - my 6 year old is having his tonsils out tomorrow. There is nothing quite like hearing a nurse tell you all the worst case scenarios for after surgery to scare you shitless and make you want to grab your baby and run in the opposite direction. Alas, I will be putting my big girls pants on and getting through it like a boss.

•  So, let's start the roundup with something beautiful, shall we? I think these landscapes by Chris Floyd speak for themselves. Calm, space, serenity. I wants.

• It was a big week on the Internet for Kesha. There have been approximately 1 gazillion articles about the horrendous reality she is currently living which I'm sure you've seen. So I'm going to refer you instead to an  important piece, that whilst not about Kesha directly, makes a brilliant point about women making the culture:

"So it all comes down, again, to money and autonomy: women need to be in charge. Women need to be in charge. At least half the time. Our culture suffers when this doesn’t happen. And it is my job, it is all our jobs, to keep shouting this over and over and over and over until we start to see some movement. And not just say something, but do something. Start filling out the paperwork."

• On a related tack (sigh, it's all related right? The way we treat women and their invisibility in society...?) I'm also going to point you in the direction of Rebecca of Girls Gone Child, whose writing about rape culture actually made me stop and think. To be honest, I'm still wrapping my head around it and untangling my feelings... There is much I hands down agree with and yet the point of rapists not being monsters per se, and maybe pointing more to the culture... I'm struggling. I completely get that cycles of abuse, messages that society gives and normalizes etc play a huge, impactful part, BUT. I also believe, need, want, to know that men can think before pinning a woman down, or assaulting her in her sleep that this is not something a decent human being does. Doesn't it all just come down to human decency? This heartfelt piece written by Emma Lindsay feels like the flip side of the coin, and the one which I am more inline with.
• I loved this advice given to a writer in her late 40's who's struggling. And THIS:

"I think just becoming a mother can make you feel like an awkward alien among the carefree and the hip.

But look, the whole idea of "breaking through" is such a crock of shit. If you do nothing else, build a religion around this one fact. Beyond the ability to feed yourself, it doesn't fucking matter if a million people love you or five people do. It doesn't matter if you're 25 or 75. You cannot pollute your life with this fixation. You can feel relevant, you can imagine that you somehow matter in the larger scheme of things, you can commit to being a force in the world, without hitting some arbitrary high score or crossing some imaginary threshold of popularity. I am drawn to the flame of Twitter for some great reasons and for some reasons that spring from some slow, sick, sucking part of me, to quote Pavement like the old fucker I am. But you can't construct your life around these equations. You can't try to "reach" some imagined mob of dipshits, molding your work to match their dipshitty tastes. Be a lovely odd duck instead, one who hardly notices if people are booing or cheering."

http://www.mtv.com/news/1984964/jennifer-lawrence-real-life-mockingjay/ 

JLAW WINS EVERYTHING

• It's Oscars weekend guys! I love Oscars. Ok, I love the carpet. I love staying up with my husband and judging the clothes and eating Oscars snacks. We even print ballots and EVERYTHING. But this year I will be missing it all and sleeping in prep of son's surgery *single tear slides down face*. I'll be watching Chris Rocks opener first thing though, what with the uproar that has rightly surrounded this years extremely white ceremonyI'm expecting him to bring it. I'll console myself with this hilarity. Play it! ACT HARDER.  Whilst we're talking film, I'm not going to lie, I fell in love with Morag Ross and this conversation about her amazing career as a Film and TV make up artist, and found this pretty depressing about being a female cinematographer. There's also The Secret Actress over at the Guardian, dishing on what it's like to be nominated (my money is on it being Minnie Driver), and sticking with actresses Jennifer Garner's baller interview with Vanity Fair was everything I look for in a celeb gossip piece. 'I WILL NOT BE THE ASHSES' is my new mantra.
• I mentioned that I started Apatow's 'Love' on Netflix last week and was hit with MEH. This is spot on about the old classic ugly guy hot girls syndrome comedy has invested in, and makes me think back to my favourite ever Girls episode, One Man's Trash. The roles were somewhat reversed - the beautiful, but not Hollywood standard beautiful, Hannah hooks up with a Holywood standard hot guy and the internet loses their shit. Excuse the sound of my eyes rolling there.
• Why Do We Teach Girls To Be Scared made me want to sign my daughter up for all the dangerous activities I could think of RIGHT NOW whilst cheerleading her hard, and this on kids needing their own space really spoke to me as a Mother of and being someone who loves their own company.
• Meanwhile, offline - season openers of Girls and Fresh Meat! Apparently I'm not done with Serial 2. I finished The Silent Woman for book club, and I fell asleep listening to Max Richeter's Sleep - which I think is the point?

Previously, on 'The Internet' #1

My Twitter bio states: Reading the internet since 2001. NO SPOLIERS. Based on a joke (ok, not really) about what I'm currently reading, which is always and forever, the internet. I'm about 50% done guys! Previously, on 'The Internet', is a weekly listicle of what I eyeballed. Down to business.

• As someone who reads cookbooks like fiction, I found these instructions and conversation about pure, unadulterated chocolate in the form of Rose Levy Beranbaum’s Chocolate Oblivion Truffle Torte, very comforting. 

'To me, I don’t want good enough, I want it to be as good as it can be.'

          Life goalz y'all. I need to make this stat.

• Whilst we're on food, let's go to the white stuff and talk about Mayonnaise. One of my favourite people on and off the internet retweeted this very sweet story of mayonnaise and family secrets of the mashed potato variety.
• Maria Konnikova wrote a fascinating piece on resilience over at at The New Yorker. How we frame and react to the world around us has a massive bearing on where we end up. Can we teach the cognitive skills required?
• My first reaction to this guy starting a fortnightly 'kibbutz' with friends (conversation topic included) was... really? But after a discussion in my house about male friendships and their differences to my female ones, I'm wondering if he might be onto to something.

• Related to my previous book club post is this gorgeous photo essay called Reading Women by Carrie Schneider and this article entitled FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS AND ONLINE LITERARY SEXISM. Also, book club got it's very own article over at Amy Poehlers Smart Girls. I KNOW.
• Since reading the secret double meaning of emoji I've been seeing the key emoji everywhere. I'm not sure the 100 word language will catch on in quite the same way?
• I sent my husband the link to What Romance Really Means After 10 Years of Marriage as the love letter I didn't write.
• I found myself a new house! I also found this swimsuit so I think it's basically fate.
• Rebecca Solnit has a remarkeble way with words. Here she writes about the US Center for Disease Control’s new guidelines to drinking. Wit and humour in response to the utterly riduclous with a side of darkness, is sometimes the only real weapon in our arsenal. 

'Maybe the CDC should cut to the chase and issue warnings about men. After all men are the main source of violence against women (and for that matter the main source of violence against men). Imagine the language! Use of a man may result in pregnancy or injury; men should be used with caution. Assess each man carefully for potential risks. Be careful about using men with alcohol. Maybe they should come with warning labels?'

• Related to using men with caution is this piece over at The Pool for a friend in an emotionally abusive relationship, and a 2 minute read that every woman can relate to entitled To Men I Love, About Men Who Scare Me
• Try not to cry at this, on what it feels like when you're brother is gone, and maybe be uplifted by how we can start thinking more about our own death to be happier.
• Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face is my new jam. 'Yes I Really Do Just Want to Sit Here and Read My Book Unmolested Face' *clapping emoji*
• Meanwhile, offline... It was a week of 1st episodes. The People vs OJ Simpson which was really well done and a who's who of TV royalty. The opener of Judd Apatows Love which I was sadly 'meh' about but will give another chance because Gillian Jacobs. I really wasn't into Vinyl..so much style, not enough substance? And Limitless was a fun, easy binge watch.
• I listened to a few episode of the new Susie Orbachs 'In Therapy' which is compelling and uncomfortable all at once, and I think I'm done with Serial 2. I'm late to the party (by years) but I discovered the beautiful tones of Gillian Welch.

What did you get up to on the interwebs this week?